Ever felt like you messed up, big time?
Ever felt like you were grasping at the wind, trying to do things the right way?
Ever hurt someone, while trying to honor or be kind to another?
My heart is screaming, "Lord, please help me, because I'm all over the place!"
Listen, friends, for the record, I am so far from perfect it is not even funny!
If I have ever given any of you the illusion that everything about me is peachy and that I always have myself put together, then let me make it known:
I am an imperfect woman, in desperate need of God's free-flowing grace.And not just saving grace, amazing grace, or sufficient grace--definitely need those--but I also need the down-in-the-details grace, too. Grace that reaches all those small places, where thoughts are racing and emotions are threatening. Grace for a seasoned tongue, that weighs how to respond instead of losing it.
I had a situation that just left me feeling undone. I wanted to be there for a friend, but I also needed to honor a decision my husband had made. The two conflicted. Any other wife ever been there? Of course, I chose to honor my husband, and in doing so, I knew I would disappoint my friend. How do I do this with gentleness, and without betraying my husband's trust?
Many times, when my husband's decisions conflict with my plans, truthfully the temptation is great to just do what I want. I've learned that to do so does not help my marriage and is totally unbiblical. My solution to flee temptation, though? Fly to the other end of the spectrum, to ensure that I honored him.
Grace would have tempered my reaction and formed it into a more graceful response. . . if only I had just asked of God first.
In this situation, my husband expressed his concern for the present, and voiced a possible solution for the future. I couldn't even "hear" the future solution, because all I knew was that the present plans had been interrupted. All I heard was: you can't do what you've planned. And in that moment I knew I needed to honor him--and honor him quickly, for fear of temptation--and so I went forward with a hurry-up and get out of this situation, I just can't do it, attitude. . .
Oh, the need for grace.
After the heat of the moment, I realized all the things I could have said and all the ways it could have gone, if only I had paused to ask for His direction and clarity.
So, as He does, God worked things out for good: Husband was honored, things were talked through, friendship remains, and the Lord revealed some truths to me I had missed or ignored.
Once again, I am humbled by His grace, which is always available, and is mine for the asking. I'm learning to pause, take my time, not rush, and intentionally ask Him to help me be a woman of grace.