In Times of Sorrow

This blessed life God has given us to live is not without its rough places. As homeschooling Moms, we have a unique opportunity to live out our daily lives, in a real and raw way, right before the eyes of our children. They see a wide range of emotions, successes, failures, frustrations, stellar and golden days, bland and ordinary days, and flat out terrible days. This is a great opportunity because we can show our children the realities of life and how to live them out, while trusting in God, Who is greater than any circumstance we face. We are available to teach our children through the challenges of life, modeling love and faith before them.

We had a bit of sorrow in our lives recently. A very good neighbor of ours died of stage 4 liver cancer, leaving her husband behind. It was all so sudden, from her finding out about her condition to her passing, it was just about 6-8 weeks. The sadness and the devastation were real and heavy on our hearts. Disclosure: I have some fear issues when it comes to death and dying that I’m working through. Often I feel like, how can I be of any help to someone in such a private and vulnerable situation?

So, I was torn: succumb to my own issues (which would have been selfish) or give of myself, in spite of my issues? Well, this is where my kids gave me the push I needed to be selfless, because I recognized this as a chance to teach them how to help others in a dark time. So, our family committed (among ourselves) to go by weekly to offer comfort with our presence. Once we dropped off some donuts and I got to sit with her a talk with her, and hold her hand and listen to her pain and hug her, and then hug her again.

Next, a few of the kids got together and painted a golden sunshine to offer cheer. When we went by, the door was closed, which was our sign that it wasn’t a good time to visit. So we left the pictures they’d made in the mail box with a note attached. My neighbor’s husband hung that little golden sunshine on their front storm door for days and days.

Finally, my little ones and I made applesauce bread and took a loaf over to them. My neighbor was sleeping and I simply just peeked in on her and whispered prayers in my heart. Her husband could barely contain his grief as he took the bread. Later, he called to say thank you and to tell me how tasty it was. That was our last time.

On the day I stopped by with the donuts, later that afternoon, my neighbor had her husband call us to see if we wanted these 2 little red chairs. Of course, I said yes, and they are now in our school room. Not only do we put them to use, but they are a sweet, visual reminder of her and how kind she was to our family. Over the years, she would give us little items like this if she thought we could use them. When she heard that we were going to be homeschooling, she gave me a HUGE stack of stickers. Six years later and we're still using them.

Even after her passing, we’ve continued to stop by with goodies, just to check in on her husband to see how he’s doing. He and my husband will have those “end of the driveway chats” just to say hey, you’re not alone. We don’t go as frequently as once a week, but maybe every 2 or so, to give him space to grieve, but also to let him know we care.

What we’ve learned as a family is. . .  

giving in times of sorrow doesn’t have to be some huge, heavily, orchestrated event.

you don’t have to be intrusive to be kind.

little things, like hand drawn pictures, really do mean a lot

kids don’t need all of the details in order to be on board with helping

presence is comfort

kind words are a salve

prayer is always in order

Don’t shy away from these types of very hard, but important life lessons for your children. Even in the sadness, there is the joy of serving others, of showing them love, of bringing a smile to their faces, no matter how brief. It is in these circumstances that God can mold us and our children, shaping us for His Glory.

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

-Psalm 147:3