When No One Celebrates


The more children you have, the fewer the celebratory responses.

Sad, but true--I've been there.

It can be difficult when people don't "get" you and your family life.

It's hard when you remember how excited friends and family used to be for your first or second baby . . . and then you watch as that excitement gives way to bewilderment, perplexities, rudeness, lack of understanding, compassion or tact . . .

It's one thing to be questioned or mocked by the random lady in the grocery store; it's a totally different thing to have those closest to you act just like that random lady in the grocery store . . .snide remarks, indifference, no kind words . . .

So, mama, what do you do when the baby showers stop and the "congratulations" end?

Here is what I am learning to do. . .

First, remember this above all else:
Each life should always be celebrated, no matter how many, as each one is a miracle straight from the hand of God. He gives life and calls it good.
Next, party at home with your husband and children and celebrate that life any way! Seriously, though, do not let your joy fade or be stamped out. Embrace your growing belly, love the life within, do not be ashamed or apologetic for the joy a little one brings. Praise God for the wonder He has worked within.

Stay focused on the task at hand. Although it may feel like it, you are not ambassador to the world whose job it is to explain why you have that many kids. Instead, God has called you wife and mother. That is your duty, your top priority: love your husband and your kids, focus on their care and well-being, and make your house a godly home. And should the Lord add to your family along the way, welcome every one of those babes, but don't lose sight. Stay focused.

We may never understand the in's and out's of why people react to more children the way they do. Perhaps it's their own up-bringing, or maybe it's not knowing how to react to a culture that screams against more than 2 kids. Maybe it's the pain of not being able to conceive or perhaps spouses do not agree. Maybe it just is what it is and they can't fathom at all why anyone would be open to more children. . .

The reality is, it isn't our job to figure it out and work through it all with the lady in the check-out line, or around the Thanksgiving dinner table at your mom's house. Yes, it's frustrating, and it can even be heart-breaking, but that is not your load to carry.

What we have to do is continue to joyfully labor in the field that God has placed us in. Continue planting those seeds in His Name, and in time, we will reap a bountiful harvest. (Galatians 6:9)
Let that stand on it's own, let that be the "explanation" we give to others.
Blessed is every one who fears the Lord,
Who walks in His ways.
When you eat the labor of your hands,
You shall be happy, and it shall be well with you.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine
In the very heart of your house,
Your children like olive plants
All around your table.
Behold, thus shall the man be blessed
Who fears the Lord.
The Lord bless you out of Zion,
And may you see the good of Jerusalem
All the days of your life.
Yes, may you see your children’s children.
Peace be upon Israel! 
~Psalm 128 

13 comments:

  1. Yes. I've been there. After we had our fourth (or first girl), we became pregnant with our fifth. When I excitedly told my sister, she said, "Oh, no!"

    Those two words hurt me deeply. It didn't help that I lost that baby to miscarriage.

    Don't ever let anybody take that joy of life from you!

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    1. Oh, Jody, I am so sorry to hear your pain. I miscarried when we were pregnant for the 4th time and it's not easy....sometimes people have no clue about the hurt you feel inside. But what a blessing it is to know Jesus, and to know that what He says matters most. Blessings to you and your family.

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  2. Good idea, celebrate anyway with your little family! What a great way to approach the situation and teach your children how special each and every one of them is to you!

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  3. We have been there many times. I think people are very self centered and wonder why anyone would want to go to the "trouble" of having more then a couple. Sure it's a sacrifice in a lot of ways to have many, and even in the church people are not servant minded and tend to forget the fact that children are "rewards and gifts". It's a shame.

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    1. Hi, Courtney. I agree, sometimes that is exactly what people are thinking. . . some have even just flat out said it with their own lips! But raising children is a worthy bit of work to do. . .always.

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  4. How true! People can be so very hurtful. But it isn't what they think that truly matters. Only the One that created that little life is who is important. You have a beautiful family. You always remind me of Psalm 90:17 ❤

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    1. Yep, it hurts, and sometimes really deeply. But my comfort is in knowing that I am right where God has asked me to be and that benefit far outweighs the thoughts of man. Thank you for such sweet words and a beautiful Scripture, too. :)

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  5. This happened to my mom with her 4th through 6th. It didn't help that she was a stay at home mom or that we're Catholic (you know the joke about how CAtholics "breed like rabbits") A friend told me her mama said, "She needs to learn about birth control" I had no idea what that meant then but do now. And, ahem, my mama's a nurse so she certainly knew how to prevent a pregnancy if she wanted to.

    People also assume that if you have a lot of kids, especially if there's only one working parent, you must be on welfare (which means their taxes support your family). Something that riles a lot of folks.

    I loved being the oldest of 6. We were never on welfare either. I'd have had a bigger family, too, if I had married younger than I did. Enjoy your family and poo-poo to the naysayers!

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    1. Exactly!! Once I was pregnant with my 4th child, everyone has something to say. I was completely unaware (some how) of the way I was to be viewed. I'd grown up around large families my entire life and never once did I think, "that's just too many kids" or "those people are crazy" or whatever. So, I was totally not prepared for some of the comments I get from complete strangers. . .and from those I've known for a long time.

      It is a great blessing to hear how you loved being a part of a large family. I pray that my children will feel the same way. And so far, each of my older ones have expressed their love for many siblings.

      I'm glad you stopped by and thank you for the encouragement!

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  6. This is sad indeed. My friend has recently gone through this .. Thank you for sharing this godly response with us on the Art of Home-Making Mondays!

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    1. It is sad, but I hope this helps someone else along the way.
      Thank you!

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  7. God bless you stacie, we are excited in Christ at your news. It is a blessing and the response of these people points to their rebellion against mighty God!

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