It's on my heart more and more...
Craving, hungering, thirsting after what is righteous.
There is so much evil in this world, spiritual darkness, wickedness lurking . . .
It sickens me, saddens me, breaks my heart.
Because what I'm learning is the more I align my thoughts with the Word of God, and the more He works in me, the more sensitive I become to what is not like Him.
Granny called it "higher heights and deeper depths. . . going deeper in the Lord." (We understand that as sanctification.)
I am not perfect, of course I stumble, but by His grace, I want to please the Lord, to obey what He commands, to live where others want this, too.
And I ache for a place:
Where I can raise my family and the love of Christ is abundant
Where we're not odd because we whispered prayers of gratitude before a meal
Where the commands of God are reflected in the laws of man
Where I'm not ridiculed for Biblically submitting to my own husband, or for having all these kids, or for staying at home to keep my house
Where I see people actually loving each other as themselves
Where I am readily encouraged by my neighbors to wholly follow the Lord
Where I can live in community with other believers, worshiping together, witnessing together, sharing life with each other, helping each other
Where that older woman is lavishing her wisdom on the next generation of wives
Where younger women humble themselves and take heed to that wisdom
Where men are men, not slacking in their duties of prayer, provision and protection, honorable and strong. . .
Where is that place? Where are those people?
And, as I mull these things over with my husband, as our hearts rage and grieve over a sin-sick world, as we discuss the future--how to raise up these children of ours for the cause of Christ--the Holy Spirit whispers: it's Me, it's Me.
I realize it's not just about finding like-minded mamas for lunch and play dates, it's less about twisted laws that promote and celebrate sin, it's not really a little protected community where all is well. . . It's Jesus that my soul wants. I'm longing for Him.
The reality is, there is nothing that this world can offer me that will soothe my achy sorrow, or fulfill this deep, deep need for true Life and real Love. It's Jesus. That's Who I'm longing for.
I understand now why my Granny used to sing, "This world is not my home, I'm just a stranger, I'm passing through. . ." I didn't get it as a little girl, but now? I feel like I'm yelling at every turn: "Oh, just give me Jesus!"
Or, in the words of John:
". . . Even so, come, Lord Jesus!" (Revelation 22:20)