The Truth About Valentine's in My House {Valentine Marriage Challenge--Week 4}



How does Valentine's week unfold in your household? Are your expectations high, hoping your husband will amaze you with precious jewels and gorgeous flowers? You know, just like the commercials? I can hear them in my mind, "Every kiss begins with K!" Well, I will share with you what Valentine's Day is like in my home.



But first, let's start with what the challenge is for this week: reclaim the "passion" that is meant specifically for a husband and his wife. As I mentioned last week, it is a sweet gift from our Heavenly Father, meant to be enjoyed under the covering of marriage, by husband and wife.

At any time, any of us can get stuck in the daily norms and routines of life . . . and the passion begins to fade. Let's make some sparks fly, on purpose! Light a little love fire in your marriage! Plan to be available to your husband this week. Make him feel special, regardless of what he may or may not do for you, especially on Valentine's Day.

Now, here we go. . .confession time!!

Early on in my marriage, for several years, I was always disappointed on Valentine's Day. I expected flowers or jewelry or balloons and candy or sweet smelling perfume, coupled with a nice dinner out (yes, all of these things). These were the automatic, ingrained expectations I brought to our marriage. Any time my husband didn't deliver to the extent I felt he should, you know--something worthy of bragging about to my friends--I would pout and be unappreciative. What a slap in the face to a good man, a very good man!

Fast forward some years of being a wife and learning my husband, I realized my error. What I learned about my husband is that he'd rather not sum up our love for each other on one day out of the year, which just has to be represented by things, certain things. Instead, his perspective was that we should love each other deeply and intentionally and be appreciative all year long. Talk about a lesson learned!

Understanding his point of view has helped me keep my expectations realistic. That doesn't mean that my husband is a cold, loveless, or thoughtless man. He's quite the opposite. But I understand how falling victim to the commercialism that surrounds this holiday (and many others) can prompt me to make him feel unappreciated. So, I started to intentionally look for the little things he does to declare his love for me on a daily basis, rather than waiting for a few days out of the year. And guess what my friends? He declares it often and sincerely.

No, I don't receive flowers every day and I don't have a jewelry box full of diamonds. What I do have is a husband, a man of God, who loves me deeply and is never ashamed of that.

So, what about Valentine's Day? Well, it's more like a regular day for us, with just a few extras. We do something small for each other: a card that says EXACTLY what we mean, not just a card in order to "check the box"; a surprise of something that's our absolute favorite: strawberries, a favorite meal, a sweet love song. I've come to treasure these moments so much! Now, if he ever wanted to throw in a night out on the town or some pretty jewelry, I'm sure I would accept. However, I'm no longer holding him to an expectation that is not realistic for my marriage. Instead I am embracing the gift I already have. . . the gift that is my husband.

Happy Valentine's Day!

{{Repost from 2/12/13, Valentine's Challenge}} 

 Also linked with:

http://timewarpwife.com/?p=2078



7 comments:

  1. What a wonderful tribute to your husband. Mine is much the same. He usually gives me flowers around Valentine's Day, but not always, because he will do special things other times as well. Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours! Jen

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  2. Thank you, Jennifer. Your husband sounds sweet! ;o)

    Have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

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  3. Oh, you two sound just like us. I was just like you in the beginning of my marriage, expecting those gifts on special days and dissappointed when they didn't come. And then the lifesaver came...the book, The Five Love Languages and I realized my husbands love language was "doing", not gift giving and I also realized that all his "doing' were gifts to me. I saw him in a whole new light after that! Yes, I have a wonderful, loving, GOOD man and I appreciate him SO much.
    Happy Valentines Day to you! :)

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  4. Aww, Kristin!!
    Thank you for sharing that with me--those "Titus 2" moments are so helpful! When I first got married, I thought I was the only wife in the world that went through disappointment on holidays. I am so glad to have grown a bit more (with more growing ahead!)

    I've never read "The Five Love Languages", although I've known about it for quite some time. Thanks for the reminder!

    Happy Valentine's Day!!!

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  5. Stacie, I love this! Unrealistic expectations can really damage a marriage... I know. I had plenty when we were first married. I'm so glad I learned that, like Kristin, my husband's love language is serving and doing. He's not a gift buyer, but he shows me every day how much he loves me... I just have to open my eyes/heart!
    Happy Valentine's Day!
    Blessings to you, friend ~ Mary

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  6. Hi Mary!

    Thank you so much for sharing about the early days in your marriage. I wish someone had told me about this all those years ago. LOL!

    After thinking about yours and Kritsin's comments, I'm thinking that my Husband's language may be along the lines doing rather than gift giving as well. But, before I make a declaration, let me read the book first! :o)

    Happy Valentine's Day, Mary!

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  7. I'm stopping by to say hello from Titus2sday linky. You have a great blog and I enjoyed this post. I can completely relate to your experience. I eventually realized my spoiled ways, and began to appreciate the gift that God had given me in my wonderful hubby. Honestly all those gifts we want are temporary anyway. I'm glad to have found your blog. I look forward to connecting with you. ~Sherri@http://godlifehappywife.blogspot.com

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