A Mother's Confession: Of Sorrow and Joy (Part 2)


****If you haven't yet, please click here to read Part 1 to get the full story****

In January of 2011, my husband and I made some decisions. Some new, some uncomfortable, some unpopular, but all exciting because they were the same--we decided to let go. . . let go of control, which my dear Husband has always said is nothing but an illusion. As one song says, "leave things up to Him Who is capable of knowing that victory is in His name!" Victory is in His Name, His will, His plan, His ways, His timing, not mine.

We forged ahead, without plans. It was difficult, it was uncertain, it was hard--what is this strange land of leaving things up to Him Who is certainly more than capable? We decided that we would praise God and be all the more thankful for the children God has given us. If He said 3 children was it, then thank You Lord that we have 3 children. If He said we would conceive again, then thank You Lord that You are allowing us the opportunity.We even thanked God (as crazy as it sounds) for the baby we lost, along with all of the struggles and for the pain. Thank You, Lord. We asked forgiveness for our inconsideration and ignorance, our thoughts when couples had no children yet, being so consumed with our own growing family while others grieved over the loss of a baby, or were unable to conceive. We couldn't see because we were self-focused--too much me, not enough Him. 

What if I had never changed my perspective? I am certainly not saying that God allowed the miscarriage simply to punish me--that's not it at all. However, He used the situation to cultivate, to grow, to heal, to make me more sensitive in this area. It was all Him. In my despair, I could turn to no one but Him--He heard my cry and showed me my heart. Thank You Lord.

One day in April 2011, about 2 weeks before Easter, we found out that we had been blessed to conceive again. Tears, joy, amazement, shock--because we hadn't planned it, we weren't consumed with it, we weren't scheming. . .God did it. Because of our last experience, my husband and I literally took it one. day. at. a. time. Before, we had bragged, joked, told any and everyone. . . hey, look what we did! This time, lips sealed, and hearts bursting with gratitude. We wanted to remain humble, we wanted to remain in His will, we wanted to be cautious.

As time progressed, we slowly began to share the news here and there with family and friends. It felt so strange when someone asked me, when are you due? what are you having? will you have more? Before, I had an answer to all of those questions because I knew what I had planned. This time I felt like, I can't believe they're asking me this! What does it matter when I'm due, or if it's a boy or girl, or if the Lord will give me more or not? What does that matter when He had blessed me to be pregnant 5 times, when he's let 3 children be born so far, when He has blessed me to make it this time to 7 weeks, 10 weeks, 3 months, 5 months? One. day. at. a. time. I am thankful for every day, for every moment.

The random Oh! Congrats, honey! from women in the grocery store feels so weird! How did she know I was pregnant? (Quite possibly from the rounded tummy and the semi-waddling around!?!?) What I'm trying to say is, I'm not seeking that attention--before I just basked in it. I don't want the here, let me get that for you or how are you feeling or let's talk all about me being pregnant. I don't want that, I don't want the praise--it all belongs to Him! So, that my friends, is why it has taken me quite some time to share this with all of you.

Even in the midst of the joy and relief we feel of letting the Lord have His way, satan has tried to whisper lies, doubt, uncertainty--we saw "this" on the ultrasound and couldn't see "that," wow! you're going to have 4 kids--that's a lot to handle, did you just always want a big family, you know you're getting closer to 35 . . .but to God be the glory. As my Husband says over and over again, thank You God for whatever You give me, because I know it is from You. . .it's up to Him, Stacie.

We are well aware that "any thing" can happen; pain knows no strangers. But, we are so thankful that we've made it this far. One. day. at. a. time. I rejoice in the God of my salvation, how He has allowed my womb to cradle a life once again, Thank You, Lord. I don't take one moment for granted. I can't explain it, I don't know all of the whys, but what I do know is that God is amazing and that I have to trust in Him and Him alone.

If God be willing, we will welcome a son into our home sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas--I know that's a pretty general time frame. Although my doctor has given me a "due date" you have to understand, that for me, continuing to put a "date" on things is a reminder--remnants--of wanting to control things that are not in my hands. I have to take it one. day. at. a. time.

****SIGH****
That was a lot to share, but God is so faithful. I am thankful for the ways in which He matures me, my husband, my family. I am not perfect; I will fail. However, it feels good to let go, let God, and enjoy the ride. . .the gift. . .the testimony I can share with my children about the ways the Lord changed my heart for them.


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18 comments:

  1. Praise the Lord for the life you are carrying. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I am always blessed by your humble words.

    You and your growing family will continue to be in my prayers.

    Love and hugs...

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  2. Wow! Thank you for sharing your testimony. So powerful! It reminds me of just a few simple words I heard in a bible study the other night. . ."His portion is enough". We need to be content with His portion and not our own.
    You are a wise woman Stacie. I know you would say, "it's not me", but you opened up your heart and got past yourself to be completely in tuned with Him.
    I would love to sit on the porch with you and just visit with a glass of tea! :)
    Blessings on your new wee one:)

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  3. Oh my!!! I am praising Him with YOU!! And weeping! Of course, weeping!!! THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE IN THIS PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS FAMILY!!! The beauty of this testimony is so exquisite! He is Glorified by it! Every. single. word. I praise Him for you and your godly husband. I praise Him for your children who will be raised in the context of such an incredible heritage of Faith. The world so desperately needs to see the message of your lives: HE IS TRUSTWORTHY! EVERYTHING HE ALLOWS IS THE MOST LOVING WAY HE CAN ACCOMPLISH HIS PURPOSES. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so blessed, dear Stacie!! WOW! HE is so Good! :)

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  4. Hi Lorie,

    Thank you for your prayers, they are most appreciated! Love and hugs to you as well, friend.

    Take care.

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  5. Hi Kristin,

    You are absolutely right, His portion is enough--I love that!

    You are so, so sweet--I could see us over a couple of glasses of tea. :) Thank you.

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  6. Oh Anne,

    Your comment just about made me cry. You have such depth, perspective, wisdom. . .it's a blessing.

    Thank you for joining in the praise that I feel in my heart. Please keep us in your prayers.

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  7. Yes, Gertha!

    Praise God from Whom all blessings flow...

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  8. This testimony, Stacie, is so beautiful to me. Thank you so much for sharing, and may God continue to bless you and your family. (Dear Heavenly Father: Thank You for the miracle of life. Please bless the baby Stacie carries and make Him a great soldier of the cross. Thank You for his mother's willingness to share how You're working in her life. Please protect her, shower her with love, and continue to instruct her in Your ways. Thank You for loving us so very much. In Your name I pray, Amen.)

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  9. Hi Brandee,

    I'm glad to have visit my corner of the world. Thank you for your sweet words and to God be the glory.

    I really appreciate your prayer. (I truly agree, in the Name of Jesus, Amen!) May God bless you and your family, as well.

    Take care!

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  10. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear this today. May God Bless you and your family.
    Lisa h.

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  11. Hi Lisa H.,

    May God bless you indeed. I am so pleased that you were encouraged in some way. . .to God be the glory.

    Take care and thanks for stopping by.

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  12. You are letting your light shine so bright for Him. I always come away from your writing wanting to serve Him more. Thank you. I'm thankful to have found you.

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  13. Oh, April,

    Thank you for such sweet words. . .I'm thankful to have found you as well. God is so good; to Him be all the praise!!

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  14. Thank you for your post. We too experienced a miscarriage, and am pregnant again and taking it one day at a time. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your story.

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  15. @ "Ihavebeenblessed",

    I am praying for you. . .may God bless you and your family with your current pregnancy. And may He also heal and comfort you over your loss.

    He is able!
    God bless you, and thank you for stopping by.

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  16. Wow! What a testimony! Less of us and more of Him! Bless Jesus! I'm to overjoyed say anything else! I agree with Kristen, you are a wise woman!

    Blessings to you and your family!

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  17. Hi Genyne,

    God is so good and I am just not worthy. He alone is worthy!

    Thank you for your sweet words. Blessings to you and yours, as well.

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